


One Wedding and a Sex Tape

by mountaindewme



Category: Red Letter Media
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fake Marriage, M/M, Marriage, Sex Tapes, Weddings, YouTube, elderly sex, red letter media fan fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 22:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountaindewme/pseuds/mountaindewme
Summary: It's the big day for Susan and Plinkett. But Mike has one big request for Jay on their wedding night...





	One Wedding and a Sex Tape

'Well, it's our first night alone Mr. Plinkett, following our fraudulent erh-'

' _WHAAAAAT?'_

'I mean uh... our  _committed_ marriage.'

'Turn off the light, I'm gonna watch Night Court.' The two lay in Plinkett's decrepit, creaky bed. 

'Uh, sure.' Jay turned off the bedside lamp, leaving them drenched in the TV's sickening glow. 

 _'JAY YOU NEED TO MAKE AN ADVANCE **NOW**_.'

Sitting in the next room was Mike, crouched around a monitor and holding a microphone. Getting married to Plinkett was one step, but there was just one thing left to do. 

 

'You want me to do  _WHAT_?' On the morning of the wedding, Mike took Jay aside and shoved him against the wall. They were tucked away in the vestry of the church, the private room where priests would take the alter boys. Jay was already in his wedding dress, which Mike had insisted he wear for authenticity. 

'We need to leak a SEX TAPE of you and Mr. Plinkett to authenticate the  _MAAAARRIAGE_.'

'But- but, I don't want to fuck  _Plinkett_.'

'Listen you goddamn idiot.' Mike held his hand down on Jay's chest. 'Do you want this money or  _not_?'

Jay stared into the distance and huffed. Mike nodded insistingly. He leaned in closer and had his lips close by Jay's ear. Jay could only twist his face into shock and disgust.

' _YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE THE ORGASMS GENUINE_.' He whispered.

'Oh god..'

'Well, good luck with the wedding, Jay. I'll be at your house tonight, setting up  _hidden_ cameras. I'll be watching  _every_ second.'

Jay shivered. Having sex with Mr. Plinkett was the  _last_ thing he wanted to do. However, if it meant getting that Plinkett cash, he was willing. 

 

Jay walked down the aisle, surrounded by his family. Some cried, others stared in shame. Plinkett's side of the chapel was far more sparse. Harriet stood at the alter beside Plinkett. She smiled and waved as Jay approached them. His 5 dollar dress from a thrift shop was beginning to chafe his thighs. 

'HI JAAAAAAAAY.' She greeted loudly. 'HOW  _AAAAAAAAARE_ YOU?'

Jay nodded slightly. 'I'm pretty good.'

'THAT'S GREAT, CONGRATULAAAAAAAAATIONS.'

'Harriet, shut the fuck up. Fucking bitch.' Plinkett muttered. 

'Are we alright to proceed with the ceremony?' The priest asked gently. 

'Just get this shit over with.' Plinkett replied. Mike, who was Jay's best man, leaned over to his ear again.

_'GENUINE ORGASMS.'_

 

'Mike I don't think I'm ready for this.' He whispered into his earpiece. 

'Jay, you're being a little  _bitch_. Now suck Plinkett's dick.'

Mr. Plinkett continued to laugh at Night Court. 

'Haha, Night Court, so funny.'

Jay shook his head. 'I don't think he's showered in days.'

'JUST SUCK HIS DICK, JAY.' Mike shouted next door. The sound travelled into the bedroom. 

'Wha- what was that?' Mr. Plinkett asked.

'Uhh, my cellphone.'

'Jay,' Mike growled, 'the cameras are filming, now  _SUCK PLINKETT'S DICK_.'

'Oh god.' Jay winced, turned to Plinkett and stuck his head under the covers. 

 

It was a beautiful morning. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Mike was drinking beer alone. Jay wandered out from Plinkett's bedroom, rubbing his fatigued eyes and cradling his back. 

'Oh wow Jay, you look  _terrible_.'

'I do?' He said nonchalantly.

' _SO?'_ Mike asked. 'How was it?'

'I have seen things that will never leave my mind. I am scarred forever.'

'That bad, huh?' Mike replied, nodding. Mr. Plinkett also left the bedroom, hobbling around with his cane. 

'Hey Mr. Plinkett, you received your disability check from the government in the mail.' Mike held up the envelope. 'How about you let Jay go cash it so we can buy some more beeeers?'

Mr. Plinkett began to laugh. It started as a quiet chuckle, then erupted into a high pitched, deafening cackle.

'What's so funny, Mr. Plinkett?' Mike asked.

'You fucking idiots. How you supposed to cash my cheques if you're not married to me?'

'Whaaat?' Jay asked.

'We're not married.'

Jay and Mike looked at each other in confusion. There was a knock at Plinkett's door.

'Oh, that must be him  _nooow_.' Plinkett said. In came Mike and Jay's attorney, who assisted in the sham wedding. 

'Hello Mike, hello Jay.' He greeted.

'WHAAAAT.' 

'He told me about your whole scheme to take my money. Fucking frauds. Taking my government money. My friend here had our marriage absolved.'

'Yes, Mr. Plinkett here gave me a lot of money to make the marriage contract void.'

'You bald headed FUCK.' Mike threw his bottle to the floor, shattering it into pieces. 

'Wait... so...' Jay stepped back. 

'That's right Susan, you didn't need to screw me!' He cackled again. It was horrible. Surely Jay was in hell. 

'No... oh god... No...'

'Wow Jay, that's gotta  _suck_.'

_'AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA.'_


End file.
